Teaching Your Baby To Self-Soothe (Without Cry-It-Out)

Teaching Your Baby to Self-Soothe: A Step-by-Step Guide

One of the biggest challenges for parents is helping their baby learn how to fall asleep independently. You may have heard the phrase “drowsy but awake,” but here’s the truth: if you’re soothing your baby until they’re almost asleep, you’re still doing the work for them. Self-soothing means your baby learns how to go from awake to asleep on their own; a skill that makes bedtime, night wakings, and naps so much easier in the long run.

Here’s how to set your baby up for success:

Step 1: Start With a Consistent Schedule

Before anything else, your baby needs to be on a predictable daily schedule. This ensures that when you lay them down, they are tired but, not overtired. A baby who isn’t sleepy enough, or one who is too tired, will struggle to learn self-soothing no matter what you try.

Step 2: Regulate the Sleep Environment

A calm environment sets the stage for self-soothing. Keep these basics in mind:

• Darkness: Blackout curtains help signal “sleep time” and prevent early wakings.

• Sound: White noise creates a steady, soothing backdrop and masks household noise.

• Comfort/Safety: Use a swaddle for newborns or a sleep sack once your baby shows signs of rolling.

Step 3: Create a Consistent Routine

Babies thrive on predictability. A bedtime routine helps them wind down and know what’s coming next. Keep it simple and repeat it every night:

• Final Feeding (if applicable)

• Bath or wash-up (optional)

• Pajamas and diaper change

• Book or quiet song

• Cuddles and comfort

• Place your baby in the crib, ready for sleep, but fully awake

This is where the practice begins. Putting your baby down truly awake, not drowsy, gives them the chance to learn the skill of falling asleep independently.

Step 4: Choose a Self-Soothing Method

Before you respond to cries, decide how you want to guide your baby. The method should tie directly to their current sleep association:

• Needs to be rocked: Transition from rocking to gentle patting or rhythmic shushing in the crib, next remove the patting and soothe with just voice/presence, then slowly remove your presence.

• Feeds to sleep: Separate feeding from sleep, keeping feeding at the beginning of the bedtime routine. Switch to soothe to sleep with touch/presence, then to presence/voice, then to falling asleep independently.

• Needs parent presence/touch to fall asleep: Begin by settling baby to sleep in their own bed using touch to soothe, then lessening to presence/voice only until baby can fall asleep independently.

These are methods. The strategy defines your actions. Strategies include The Chair Method, Pick-up Put-down, Silent Return, Check-back, etc. Pick one main strategy and stay consistent. Babies learn through repetition.

Step 5: Respond to Cries With Consistency

Crying is communication—and it’s part of the learning process. Your role is to respond in a calm, predictable way that matches the method you’ve chosen. Whether you check in at intervals, offer comfort without picking up, or use another structured approach, consistency is what helps your baby connect the dots.

The Bottom Line

Teaching your baby to self-soothe doesn’t happen in one night—it’s a process. With the right schedule, environment, routine, method, strategy and consistent responses, your baby can learn to fall asleep on their own and stay asleep longer.

Every baby is different, and sometimes the hardest part is figuring out which method works best for your little one. If you’re feeling stuck, exhausted, or unsure, you don’t have to do this alone. Reach out to a certified sleep coach for 1:1 guidance, tailored support, and a clear plan that works for your family.